[M:0]
Post by Heather on Apr 9, 2015 11:54:27 GMT -5
Noisey: As far as recovery goes, how are you feeling now?
Deryck Whibley: I still have trouble with my walking, because being in the hospital for that long, everything just depleted. My muscles, everything. I couldn’t walk for the longest time, and I’m still re-training myself to walk normally. The doctors say it’s been going quickly, but it feels pretty slow to me. I am dying to get onstage. I don’t know what to do with myself. I feel like I’m ready. That’s the only thing that’s been keeping me going and working hard. Everything in my life is to get back onstage. Music is really the only focus I’ve had since being in the hospital; because I never thought I was gonna die. I do look back and think about how much worse it could have been. I could have had way more health problems than I had, but my liver is fine! Everything shut down before any more damage could happen. To walk out of there alive, without cirrhosis or needing transplants, you know, it could have been worse.
From what I know, the first and most important step to addiction recovery is acceptance.
Yeah, that was a big thing, you know. Feeling like such a fucking dumbass. And then accepting that because it didn’t have to go that way. But when you’re in it, you don’t see how it’s a problem. But then maybe you start to see that it’s not … it’s not good. There were a lot of reactions that were like, “Pfff, I knew that was gonna happen,” or “I told you so.” I know I was way too young to have my liver fail. Maybe if I’d been drinking like that for 30 years, yeah? But I’m way too young for that right now.
In some ways, in terms of your sobriety, are you glad that it happened?
I think it was the right time in my life for it to happen. I’m glad it happened now and not when I’m like, 50, because my body wouldn’t have been able to handle it. But it's unfortunate that it had to even come to that. However, now I’m feeling better than I’ve ever felt. I’m healthier. I’m in the best shape of my life. I’m more productive. Well, I was always really productive, but I was just good at being a functional alcoholic.
At what point in your recovery did you start writing music again?
I was writing right in the hospital. Right away, I was singing and stuff, writing things down. When the doctors said it would be a long recovery for me, I was like, “What do you mean? I need to have a record out this year.” And they said I wouldn’t be going on tour for at least a year, maybe two, but I told them I’d be doing an album and touring, and they laughed at me. But here I am now, halfway through a record.
Do you find that the songs you’re writing now reflect what happened?
Sort of, yeah. You can’t go through something like that and not have it in your work but I mean, my life always comes out in my music. It’s finding ways to talk about these things without being direct. Like, I’m writing a song called, “d**n, I’m Dead Again,” you know. There’s one or two songs about that so far, but it won’t just be about that. Ask anyone who writes songs and they’re the worst person to ask about what they mean. I’d say 80 per cent of my day is physical therapy. Then writing and recording.
This is like a second chance for you.
Yeah, it is! There are so many exciting things now. So many things are new for me. I’d never done anything sober. I’ve been a hard partying drinker since I was 17 and on tour all the fucking time, never taking a break. Now there’s this whole world out there and things I’m realizing I’ve never done. I wouldn’t say I missed out on anything, just more like, things were set aside until this point in my life.
Do you have any fears about touring again?
[Long pause] I have slight fears. Not really drinking fears, but I hope my balance for my legs is going to be fine. I just don’t want to fall over. But I have no idea yet, really. I don’t know what it’ll be like. I’ll have no idea until we go out there, but it could be the best thing I’ve ever done. I mean, if I could be on tour right now, we would be on tour. We’re working on it, though. If there’s a stage, I’ll play on it.
Full article - noisey.vice.com/blog/deryck-whibley-sum-41-drinking-overdose-substance-abuse
